Dissociation: What It Is, What It Isn’t, and How Healing Happens

Have you ever scrolled through TikTok or Instagram and seen videos describing dissociation? Sometimes it’s framed as zoning out during class, other times as daydreaming, or even just feeling awkward in social situations. These descriptions often contradict each other—and can make the word feel vague or meaningless.

As a therapist who specializes in complex trauma, I work with dissociation every single day. It’s a real and measurable experience in therapy, and it can profoundly affect people’s lives. In this post, I want to clarify what dissociation is (and isn’t), how it develops, and what healing looks like.

What Dissociation Is—and Isn’t

At its core, dissociation is a loss of present awareness. For many, it feels like going hazy, losing focus, or becoming disconnected from the here and now. At times it can show up as a strong emotional reaction that seems unrelated to the present context, either thematically or in its intensity. Dissociation is not random. It is a survival skill—your nervous system’s attempt to keep you safe during overwhelming experiences. When trauma exceeds the mind-body’s ability to cope, the nervous system learns to separate awareness from the present moment so you don’t feel the full impact of what’s happening.

That said, dissociation is often misunderstood. It is not simply feeling bored, uncomfortable, or socially anxious. In our culture today, the term is sometimes overused to describe any kind of discomfort, but in therapy dissociation is a distinct and trackable experience. For those who live with it, it can be deeply frustrating, interfering with relationships, professional growth, and a sense of self.

How Dissociation Happens

Our nervous system has a predictable response when we encounter threat:

1. First Response: Activation (Fight, Flight, or Fawn)

   • The sympathetic nervous system revs up: heart rate increases, muscles tense, and the body prepares for action.

   • If the threat resolves, the system settles back into balance.

2. Second Response: Collapse (Freeze or Shutdown)

   • If fighting or fleeing isn’t possible, the body may go into a collapsed state.

   • This “dorsal” response seeks to survive by conserving energy and waiting out the danger.

3. Dissociation

   • If overwhelming or repeated threats occur, the nervous system may add another layer: separating consciousness itself.

   • In the moment, this helps protect you from feeling something unbearable.

   • Years later, though, the same dissociative patterns can be triggered by situations that aren’t truly threatening—like an argument with a partner or stress at work—making the present feel hijacked by the past.

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What Healing Looks Like

Many people with dissociative tendencies have had frustrating experiences in therapy. They may have been given multiple diagnoses, tried different approaches, or been told they were “resistant” when, in fact, dissociation was acting as a barrier to standard talk therapy. Healing dissociation requires a different pathway. First, we build awareness by learning to recognize dissociation as it happens. This involves not only observing thoughts and emotions but also paying attention to the body—tracking subtle shifts in energy, sensation, or presence. From there, the work turns toward building skills that re-engage the parts of the brain that go offline during dissociation. Grounding techniques and other present-moment practices help strengthen your ability to stay rooted in the here and now.

Once stability is established, it becomes possible to carefully approach and process the underlying trauma that caused dissociation to develop in the first place. With the right pacing, this allows you to revisit difficult memories with enough safety and resilience to integrate them, rather than be overwhelmed by them. Finally, healing involves weaving these new ways of being into daily life—integrating insights, deepening presence, and opening up more authentic connection both internally and externally.

Conclusion

Dissociation is more than a buzzword—it’s a powerful survival response that develops for good reasons, but can later interfere with living fully in the present. The good news is that healing is possible. With the right support, you can integrate dissociative tendencies, strengthen your capacity to stay present, and open the door to deeper connection with yourself and others. The journey may take time, but the outcome—greater presence, more inner cohesion, and often more outer peace—is well worth it.